Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Friend



You thought your words bespoke me
Like you really really knew me
When my tears came forth,
Did you perceive
you'd touched such dark within me?


A taste of what's to come no doubt
The shadow of our friendship
What always has to come again
With one who can't be trusted


I'm flattened by your honesty
I'm torn apart by words
I never would have dreamed of this
My woundedness' absurd.


Now damaged I lay dying
Or wishing that were so
I'm a shell of my existence
Of a moment or two ago.


They all think I'm the tough one
That I'll rise above it all
It's true that's what I usually do
But this time I'll demur


I would shrink inside a stone
I would flow softly like the rain
All I seek is some escape
From the inevitable pain


One moment I'm my own true self
The next that soul has fled
And I'm empty as a cardboard box
With a bomb inside my head.


Then I truly want to leave this life
My soul's already fled
In my emptiness the tears flow free
The baggage of my dead


So many years I've worked on this
So many tears I've cried
There's a child who's trapped within me
Who so many years ago died

The therapy is damnable
It lies in living life
Like a seed within its shell I push
To find the life outside


Sometimes I think I've got it
But the more I try in vain
It takes more strength than what I've got
To move beyond this pain.


I've got moments of the brightest light
That make me crave for more
Then this overwhelming feeling comes
When someone's struck the core


Then I only wish for darkness
For an end to this cruel life
I can't understand where sane has gone
I'm trapped within my life.


Peace will come, but at what cost?
Another bit of soul is lost
Serenity is but a dream of a
White sheet covering all I see


Why do I feel so vulnerable
From a few friends' chosen words?
Why do I feel like hiding out
When I wasn't even heard?


I'm held prisoner by my own old ghosts
The fears of decades long besmirched
A trigger on neurons in my brain
I never knew drove me insane


God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
I'm lost right now but I'll be back
To the wisdom to know what's plain


Meantime grant me the courage to exist
In the shadow of felt meanness
Who has committed the greater crime
My friends or my own naiveness?
Linda J. Wilk

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